Lesson 61: Patient Parents, Better Kids

Recently Kay’s mum was annoyed, “Kay is already 7 but he acted like a baby. I hope that he could be more independent and don’t depend on me. He should be generous, take care and not fighting with his younger brother.”

“Well, Kay showed quite good attitude here. May I know when was he being dependent on you?” I was curious.

“Almost everything. Doing homework, making his bed, organizing his bag, everything! He is not too young to be able to do this so he should be a good example for his brother.” Mum sounded frustrated, “I hope he can improve faster. He came here for few months but there was not much improvement except a little bit of discipline. Other than that, there was no improvement a t all!”

All I could do was just smiled and sighed.

He was still seven! Seven years old is the age when the kids just start schooling and approaching the new and complicated world around them. Compare to 5 or 6 years old kids, 7 years old kids explore more and more things that are new to them. The kids at this age start to be more logical and mature (Jean Piaget, Swedish developmental psychologist). Thus, they gradually widen their capabilities, including thinking skills, self-management skills and social skills. They start to be considerate, and also start to be cooperative.

Seven years old, is another point in growing, as well as the point to learn to be separated with their parents.

It is too early to hope for complete change to happen during the starting point. How would a person run before he learns to crawl? Imagine how hard would it be if you were Kay.

However, this mum seemed did not realize her high expectation towards her child.

Thus, I tried to make her realize, “Actually Kay really improved if compared with the past few months. Didn’t he become more discipline, did he? This is indeed a good start!”

Mum immediately replied, “Just a little bit! It is not enough. He should be able to improve quicker.” When other kids were still playing, 7-year-old Kay needed to grow faster so that he could be as mature as a 12-year-old, to be independent, generous, mature and take care of his younger brother, is this... possible?

Of course possible!

After a few years, of course.

“A few years later? Isn’t it too slow?” Mum sounded impatient, “He should know it earlier...”

How could a 7-year-old kid master all the skills so quickly while he was still learning the foundation? Parents’ guidance would be needed as he was still growing in terms of physical and mental. Even though parents know that they cannot expect overnight changes, you must also keep in mind that your child cannot be perfect within few months.

Because it is still in the process of achieving the completeness, therefore do it until the end! (Joshua J)

Children are learning and changing everyday, just that we often did not realize about it. You may not see the value of those changes now but as the changes accumulate, you will see that your child has make a big step after one year time. You will find that your child turns out to be better gradually as long as you have the patient to wait throughout the learning process.


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