Lesson 47: KEEP CALM. Move the Children without Nagging

"Quick! Do your homework! There are still a lot more to go!"

"Quick! Study! Exam is coming!"

"Quick! Tidy up your bag! You have school tomorrow!"

"Don't play games! It's time to sleep!"

"Don't watch TV anymore! You haven't done your homework!"

Quickly do this, quickly do that, don't do this, don't do that...... have been the moto of the mothers even the kids can memorise what you said, right? They may have told you that, " Mum, you are so annoying!" Nagging everyday may make you feel tired but you just couldn't help to nag when you get to see their bahaviors, right?

The classical line of a mother, "I'm just worried about you! It's for your own good! I'm just reminding you!"

Yes you are right, a mum should think on behalf of her children and ask then to do the things they need to do. However, nagging non-stop does not bring any prominent effect. Even though last article mentioned that a child will need about 500 times in order to change completely, it did not mean that you must transform yourself into an old nagging lady. Nagging 2 to 3 times per day will make more than 500 times in one year, right? Why not you do the right thing instead of nagging to make the child changes.

Things that must be done by you must be done by yourself (Joshua J).

The things that the kids have to do must be done by the kids themselves. How about the parents? You shall make the child to do the things that he must do. [Why? We want the kids to do the things by themselves, isn't it? Why should the parents do this?] Do not worry, let us see the examples.

There was a boy named Yong who did not play games, did not watch TV and youtube but would use half an hour to read every night. I was so surprised that there was a kid who could resist the games and media while having reading habits!

The reality was: Yong's parents had fix a time that the whole family will have reading sessions half an hour every night since Yong was young. Meanwhile, the parents did their responsibility which they did not watch TV, computer and phone and merely accompanied the kids to read. Usually after a full day work, most people tends to watch TV, play games or go on social medias to have some entertainment and to release stress. There are some parents who are busy working, continue sending and replying e-mails, therefore they have their phones and computer with them all the time. While you are busying with your phones, computers and TV, your children of course will grab the chance to look at the phones, computer and TV, who cares about reading?

Another example was Fang's mother. 

Fourteen year old Fang was a kid who dislike to clean up thus her room was messed up with clothes, books and other  necessities. Her mother always nagged at her and asking her to clean up her room since she was young but she never took any actions. In addition, they had maid at home so Fang used to depend on the maid. However her mother now thought that would be enough for her thus the maid was not allowed to help Fang anymore. In the beginning, Fang was very dissatisfied and made the room more messy than before intentionally.

Most of the mother who could not stand with that situation would allow the maid to continue helping the daughter, right? However Fang's mother did not affected by Fang. "Either you tidy up the room or you sleep in that messy room. Tidy up your own room and the maid is not going to help you." 

By standing firm to her decision, in the end Fang had to tidy up the room by herself. If this mother was a little bit impatient and allowed the maid to help out, Fang would get what she wanted, "That's great! It was so simple to make mummy give in to me, I would not listen next time when mummy says anything." However, this mummy did the right thing. Even though she did not train Fang to tidy up her room in the beginning, she insisted that Fang must take up her own responsibility since she realised about the problem.

If the child is a flower, then the parents are the gardener. If the soil, water and nutrients were not given correctly, the flower would not grow well. Hence, checking to find out whether the problem comes from the soil, water or nutrients when the flower does not grow well. If water was given blindly, the roots may be rotten. Same thing happens when the parents did not do the things that they should do, the children would not do the things that they should do. 

When the children are not doing the things that they should do, checking must be done. Is it because there were too much distractions from the media? Is it because you did not persevere? Is it because the children were too free?

Next time, do not have to be too exhausted. Next time, do not have to keep on nagging. What is so good if you were exhausted but the children were actually immune to your nagging? "The things should be done must be dine by yourself" is not a line which want you to nag and hope the children to do their own things. Instead of nagging, it is better that you take actual actions to push the children a little bit. Use a simple gesture to move the children, just like Yong's and Fang's parents. Hence, the children will do the things they should do WHEN the parents do the things that should be done.

Next Post »